What if movies were based around parenting?

What if movies were based around parenting?

I realised this week that it had been a few weeks since the last blog post and my Instagram feed had been on the light side also. Frankly, I don’t really know where the last 2 weeks has gone, but that is the life with a newborn. Even after 10 weeks, it can often get to 3pm in the afternoon without realising where the day has gone. As long as Rattle is getting fed, sleep and we are showered, dressed and eat meals around normal meal timings, that is normally classed as a successful day!

I was expecting Backstreet Boys songs...
I was expecting Backstreet Boys songs…

Last week we went to a baby classical concert. I am not the biggest fan of classical music. My first musical tastes were Nirvana and Cypress Hill (eclectic, I know) and more recent years have been about EDM, so classical music is somewhat removed from any of this. Anyhow, Dress was very keen and Nappy Valley is home to an event called Bach to Baby. With the run up to Christmas well and truly underway, this concert had a Christmas theme, which appeared to give parents an excuse to dress their toddlers and babies in all sorts of attire. My particular favourite was the Santa and Elf duo, with the father being dressed as the elf. Obviously. Rattle was dressed in a ice skating penguin baby grow which was perfect mix of winter theme without crossing the line into embarrassing. She may feel different in 18 years time. We shall see.

March of the Penguins 2?
March of the Penguins 2?

Upon getting to the venue we settled into our seats and pretty much on queue when the first note hit, Rattle decided to let her bum thunder go and filled her pants. “What a way to get out of this!” I thought. If only I could have got away with that! The concert itself was actually very good and seemed to capture all the kids limited attention spans. Anything that can keep an age range which must have been a few weeks to 6 years quiet is doing ok.

This week has involved plenty of walks as Rattle is fighting sleeping at home, so I have had a lot of time to think while plodding around Nappy Valley and a particularly wet and muddy Common. I have always had a huge fascination in film, so much so that if I was going to go back in time, then I might have forgone university and given the film world a go. This is probably easier said than done, but I have a shelf full of books about the world of film (some of which I have even read).  I decided to create some alternate parenting themed storylines for some well known films….

Inception: A thriller about a woman who infiltrates dreams to steal secrets and embed deep rooted ideas. The film plays out over several dream levels in her husband’s dream state; a football stadium, a brewery and the Playboy Mansion. A thriller which ends with the husband declaring that he has had this great idea that it is time they should start a family.

Apocalypse Now: A story about a husband, wife, their newborn and how a shopping trip turns sour when the newborn napalm bum erupts in the middle of a department store. The real twist is when husband and wife realise the nappy bag has been left at home. Horror ensues. See also Lord of the Rings.

The Dark Knight: A movie which spans 12 hours overnight with the Knight family. All is well as the evening starts with baby Knight asleep, however when the little one awakes early evening and shows no signs of sleep, can Mr and Mrs Knight survive with no sleep? Blair Witch Project style visuals.

Scarface: A mystery set the morning after a baby awakes when Mum and Dad realise they forgot to pull the scratch mitts over on the sleepsuit. Who was to blame?

Finding Nemo: Panic sets into a suburban family home when Nemo, the favourite toy of the toddler, goes missing. Can Mummy and Daddy find the missing toy before the toddler’s threat level goes from Whining -> Annoyance -> Rage -> Total Apocalypse? See also Apocalypse Now.

The Shawshank Redemption: Mr Shawshank has been on best behaviour since little Shawshank was born 3 months ago. The Shawshank Redemption tells the story of a man incarcerated after a few beers with the boys turns into a 3am stumble home smelling like kebab. Will Mr Shawshank be able to escape the doghouse and will Mrs Shawshank forgive him?

You can continue to follow the adventures of Rattle & Tie (and Dress) on Instagram – www.instagram.com/rattleandtie – and Facebook – www.facebook.com/rattleandtie. If you like what you read please Like and Share below!

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